Big Brother Celebrity Hijack EVICTION NEWS: The lady or the killer?

Nothing in the history of television has been more disturbing than tortoise-faced Liam telling Kelly Osbourne (as revolting as her hideous mother) that he has had sex with fifty-seven people, many of them at orgies. Where does he find these rancid sex parties? And who are these people? Euch. Anyway, the three up look like this: 

Jade

Being a girl, Jade is doomed - every single series of Big Brother has seen a girl out first. She is also not helped by her irritating habit of pretending to be over-the-moon delighted, even when she's weeping uncontrollably into the sink. Mentally unstable/ annoying never fares well (Penny, Big Brother 2; Shabnam, Big Brother 8), and with the voting bracket made up of a teenage girl majority, a beauty queen was never going to do well. Oddly, she speaks through her nose.

Victor

With producers no doubt keen for some in-house romance, they need to get Victor out of the picture fast, so that his sister can then ply her wares with Jeremy and/or Anthony without fear of family retribution. Hence last night’s show featured highlights of him demanding tea from his sister, and sitting menacingly in the lounge with the face of a cold-blooded murderer. Creepy never lasts (Billi, Big Brother 8; Stuart, Big Brother 2).

Jeremy

Revoltingly smug, but with a love story in the offing - with Victor's little sister no less - he is safe for now (viewers need an answer to their “will they? Won’t they?” scenarios). Even so, there is something of the Sezer (sickening, series 7) about him, so it mightn't be too long before he's rogering the circus freak in the bathroom, winking at himself in the mirror. No one needs to see that.

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